the idealist

15 January, 2006
The idealist listens with their heart and hears things only the heart can hear,
And lives on dreams of better times,
And ways of living and loving and doing that no other dream or heart can bare.
The idealist hears words of love and care
And trusts that those who speak them will not dare to hurt or scar.

But hurt must come.
Betrayal is inevitable for
No one can fulfill the idealist’s expectations,
Of friendship, of love.

And when it comes it cuts like a knife,
To the marrow of one’s soul.
So trusting,
So naiive.
And the pain wont go away,
It lingers long and takes up residence in the heart

And the heart wants to run and hide
And not come out to play at all
But sit behind the big brick wall that is the death of all it’s dreams
And kills the innocence inside

And says:
“Grow up!
This is just life!
Nothing will change!
No heart can heal the longing for significance that puts our egos in first place.
Get used to this, it will come again and you too will betray your friends!”

And while we long to love
And make a difference in the lives of those swimming in this sea of hope and faith and lies,
We cling to the idealist’s dream and join in the song that cries

“Yes! I see the way! Together we can live this day!
Together we can work this out, we’ll love and live and not give in!”

We’ll hope and dream and pour out our lives and plan and scheme and one day realise that the dream was ours – it was not His.

Yet in His grace he loves us still,
And picks us up and dusts us off and hopes today we’ll
Keep an eye on all that’s good and not justify our being
By going to and doing
And working hard and losing touch with all that’s good and pure and clean
And believing all the things that others say
Of good and bad and in between

And so the heart yearns to trust again,
It forgives as it truly too has been,
It understands the foibles of man that life demands
And dares not harden itself against the truth
That betrayal must come to the idealistic one
But that’s ok for this too His love shall redeem.

So dream on heart!
Reach for the best and see the dream and not the test
Love on heart ignore that line and all the words that come in time
Forgive again and listen for
The words of love He speaks to you
Of stillness, peace and rest in Him
Relax that heart,
Your weary heart –
Your lonely heart –
Your lovely heart!
That clings to Him and all things good and a better way
Of doing life in this day.

Cling to that ideal dream but follow Him as He leads
And love and dream with others who
Long to see His ideal ways
Who understand this desire in you to live it now
Not in latter days
To heal the wounds we inflict on us
And love through all the lies and dust and wounds that harm our soul
And kill the dream that truly is
No dream but yet reality beyond it all.

i am so ‘out of line’!

3 January, 2006
Well, back in August when I made the decision to “step out of line” I really had no clue where that was going to lead.

Had I known that 4 months later I’d be unemployed, and no longer joining in on Sunday services with the people I’ve called family for the last 8 years, I would’ve laughed at myself (something [not so] new and different for me).

As heart-wrenchingly painful as the last few months have been, I’m excited (mostly – well apart from those times when I’m totally terrified) about the future and how I’m going to be walking that out with my heavenly Father. I still have zero clue as to what I’m going to be doing to earn a living but I’m trusting that Dad has that all in hand (and is going to clue me in sometime in the near future).

I’m currently listening to podcasts by Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings, and this stuff is good! It’s a different way of looking at the Church, not new (it’s actually around 2000 years old), but very challenging.

Just as soon as I’ve heard them all I’ll update my thoughts here… right now I’m still in the midst of having my head turned inside out.

You can check out these guys for yourself at The God Journey if you like. Oh, and while you’re at it, check out the Jake Colsen site (aka “so you don’t want to go to church anymore“) it’s…. great!